I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
