Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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