the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
