She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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