I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
