Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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