This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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