It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
