remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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