The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
