I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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