You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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