first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
