I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
