$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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