i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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