You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
