Who wears a wallet chain?!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
