she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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