my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
