So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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