How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
