she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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