omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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