at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
