Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
