Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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