A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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