He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
