Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize