Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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