In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
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