sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
