Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
