After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she peed on how many people?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
