11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
