i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
