Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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