I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just google imaged poop.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
