I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
