I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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