sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
