I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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