this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
