I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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