hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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