We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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