I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
