me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
