I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She announced her abortion via fbk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
