My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
