I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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