I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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