So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my shit smells like andre
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
