So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
