I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
