Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
