sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
