Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
