its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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