I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
