Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
