Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
