So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
