I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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