the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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