god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
