I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
