No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
