Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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