even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
