Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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