She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
