My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
