So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
