i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
