i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
