u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
