Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
