So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize