the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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