Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
