You're so nebulous sometimes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My vagina is officially offended.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize