are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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