whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize