hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
