She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
