Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
