woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize