Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
