WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
