I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
