She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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