I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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