Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
