Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
