She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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