Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
