Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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