If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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