i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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