On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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