Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
