But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize