I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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