have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
