Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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