i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
