Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
