By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
