Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
