I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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