I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
