I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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