I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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