One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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