it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
