I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
