mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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