you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
