I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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