I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
