Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
MIDGETS
????
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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